Willa is hurt that Eric wouldn’t let her taste his blood - after all, she insists she is on his side. So Eric takes her into a cemetery, digs a grave for them, and turns her into a vampire. She is very excited, and when she wakes up a vampire, she is ecstatic - until Eric sends her home and she realizes he used her to try to change her father’s opinion of vampires. Eric assures her that that is not the only reason, but an important one. He commands her to go home.
Governor Burrell is shacking up with Sarah Newlin. Guards interrupt something very important that Sarah needed to tell him because Willa had shown up - and needed an invitation into the home. Burrell is shocked to see his daughter, looking like one would who had just crawled out of a grave. “Daddy, I’m a vampire now but I am still me.” If Burrell still loves Willa, he will dismantle his vampire gestapo. Burrell seems to be weakening, but he has a bloody cut on his hand and the baby vamp can’t control herself. She attacks, and Sarah shoots her with a UV bullet.
Andy’s daughters are now teenagers. So they steal the sheriff’s car and sneak out to score some beer and party. The store clerk needs to check their IDs but they don’t have them, so he invites them into the back room to “check their other IDs.” Jessica and Bill had been following the girls, and Jessica steps in to glamour the clerk into giving up the beer and forgetting they were ever there. It takes a little work, but she convinces the girls to come party back at her place. Once back at the mansion, Bill invites each girl into the privacy of his office. No, not to “check IDs” but to get blood samples from them with a cute little device in a leather cuff. The girls are teenagers and Bill is dreamy, so they all relish some individual attention. But after several hours, the girls are getting bored and restless. Bill, I’m sure you have figured out by now, brought the Tru Blood scientist to his home as a prisoner, and he is forcing him to synthesize a Tru Blood Fairy edition. The good doctor can’t do it though. The fairy blood is made up of complex chemicals that are very unstable and disintegrate within seconds of leaving the body. In less than a minute, fairy blood turns into regular human blood. Bill goes upstairs to collect one of the girls for live experiments, but he finds a decidedly different scene than the Girls Gone Wild scenario he was expecting. Jessica, annoyed by the girls’ limitless energy and equally limitless whining, she couldn’t resist and drank them all. Bill finds her over one of the girls, crying hysterically and begging for them not to be dead.
Jason is barely alive. Sookie runs to the kitchen in hopes of finding some V. Ben seems conflicted... but finally reveals his fangs and drips some of his own blood into Jason’s mouth. He is fully healed by the time Sookie returns to the room; Ben says Jason was just knocked out and came to on his own. Sookie buys this, until she discovers Jason 200+ deep into pull-ups. She goes down to the living room to clean up and finds a drop of blood. She finally puts it all together and realizes that Ben may, in fact, be a vampire. She invites him to dinner that night to test him.
Meanwhile, Jason has a wet dream about he and Ben shaving each other. He is nervous and asks Niall about it. Jason hasn’t had homoerotic dreams since the last time he was on V - and it clicks with Niall and Jason. Niall never thought it was possible for a vampire to turn a fairy... yet here we are. If you haven’t figured it out by now, Ben is Warlow. The guys stake out Ben at his motel and wait until he goes into the shower. The hope is that they can catch Ben by surprise and Niall can light-blast him. But Ben knew they were coming. He knocks out Niall and glamours Jason into forgetting this happened. He also switches to a British accent - no sense in hiding it now. With Jason gone, Ben sits down for a meal of Niall. He takes deep drinks of blood - but spits it all out into the bathtub. Ben takes Niall out to the bridge and resuscitates him with his own blood. Ben tries to gain some sympathy by complaining that he was vampirized against his will and the “dark battles with the light” in his soul. When slaughtering the entire village, he spared Niall because he couldn’t bear to kill a child. (Apparently Niall was the only child in the village...?) He will spare him now - by tossing him into the dark portal.
Sookie is annoyed because Ben is way, way late to dinner. He shows up as she is clearing plates. She doused his dinner with colloidal silver to see if it has any adverse effects. It doesn’t and Ben enjoys his dinner. They adjourn to the living room for the music-and-kissing portion of the evening. This quickly turns into naked fun time, but Sookie knows what she is doing. She has a light ball ready, and says “Get the fuck off me or die, Warlow.”
Dig It or Bury It?
True Blood needs to add a sharknado. Or a piranahconda. I’m not picky. But True Blood has gotten so ridiculous that it just needs to embrace the absurdity and let the world know that they are in on the joke. Fairy/vampire hybrids are pretty much the limit for me.
I fail to see the point to the werewolves anymore. They are literally chasing their tails. They had a total of one scene tonight, which was Alcide barking orders and Rikki being a bitch. Okay, sorry, the canine puns will stop.
